my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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