So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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