Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
