you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
