YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
