Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
