Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
