I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize