just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
