why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
