We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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