Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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