Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize