my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
