So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
