i jhust puked up my retainher.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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