let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
