He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
