Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize