I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
