I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
We have started to decorate penises.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
