It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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