my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
