that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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