I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
