is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
