Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize