i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
