Already got asked if we're dating
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
