We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
