I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
