Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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