the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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