we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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