1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
