im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
