The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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