the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
