I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Did I show you my penis last night?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
