I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
