It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
