Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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