Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
