I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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