Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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