nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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