ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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