I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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