I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
