Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
