I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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