Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
