I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
