You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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