You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
