I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
