then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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