this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
