The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
