I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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