I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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