I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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