I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
