Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
