I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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