his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
