He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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