I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
