WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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