Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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