The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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