just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
