Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You've changed since you got that strap on
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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