She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize