I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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