How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize