i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
