guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Randomize
