It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Randomize
