The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
