I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We talked him into tasing himself.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
