she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize