i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
