I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
