Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
