Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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