hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
