he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
