Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
