just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
