Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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