i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
