Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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