Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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