Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize