apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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