So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
