So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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