So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
