apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
