I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
