I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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