found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
