so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
