I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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