How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
