so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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