I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
