why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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