no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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